You noticed the shopping cart isn't working. Good. I'm not a twelve-pack of toilet paper or some impulse-buy plastic nonsense that'll be in a landfill before your next situationship ends. If you want one of me, you'll have to call or text 908-339-5060 like a grown-ass adult.

Every goose is hand-painted by an actual human. Shocking, I know. So... Why the Hell Is Everyone Getting a Porch Goose?

Because everything else comes and goes.

Remember when everyone had to have a Labubu? Yeah... that came and went faster than the Pet Rock. The algorithm moved on. Your Porch Goose didn't.

I've been standing on porches, judging neighbors, silently witnessing bad landscaping decisions, and serving looks long before influencers figured out how to monetize breathing. Trends are temporary. I am forever.

Five Reasons Your Porch Needs Me

Your Porch Has Given Up. It looks like someone bought one fern in 2018 and never emotionally recovered. I can fix that.
I Judge Everyone Equally. Package thieves. Leaf blowers at 7:00 a.m. People who don't return shopping carts. That guy who revs his truck like he's personally invading Normandy. Nobody escapes my side-eye.
I'm Better Dressed Than Most Humans. Halloween? Obviously. Christmas? Naturally. Kentucky Derby? Please. Fourth of July? I've already accessorized. Meanwhile, Kevin's still wearing cargo shorts from 2009.
I'm Maintenance-Free. I don't bark. I don't shed. I don't need therapy. I just stand there looking fabulous while increasing the collective happiness of your property.
I'm the Main Character. Your landscaping isn't the conversation anymore. I am. Neighbors will slow down. Children will point. Adults will laugh. Someone will absolutely ask where you got me.

Built Like a Brick Honk House

Unlike those lightweight plastic birds that blow into the next county every time someone sneezes, I'm made from real cast stone.

I weigh approximately 82 pounds because dignity has mass.

Every goose is individually hand-painted by Dawn Hartfelder using premium exterior finishes designed to survive weather, seasons, questionable decorating choices, and whatever else life throws at your porch.

I'm not décor. I'm a personality disorder with excellent posture.

Pricing

The Original Porch Goose™ - $180

Worth every damn penny.

Specifications

Approximately 27 inches tall
Approximately 82 pounds
Hand-painted
Cast stone construction
Built to outlive whatever decorating trend TikTok invents next Tuesday

Shipping? Pickup? Delivery?

Free pickup is available year-round from our specified locations listed on the website. But... we have a Goose Mobile! And it travels! So don't hold back... just call or text 908-339-5060 and let's arrange to get you a Porch Goose.

Join the Flock

Thousands of Porch Geese have already escaped our workshop and taken over front porches across America. Dress me up. Change my outfits. Photograph me.

Tag @SeeYourColors so I can become more famous than your cousin's engagement photos.

Use hashtags like #PorchGoose #GooseLife #FashionFowl #TheOriginalPorchGoose #GooseWithAttitude and let the world know your porch finally got its act together.

Ready?

The shopping cart isn't hooked up. It won't be. If you're worthy of a Porch Goose, you know what to do. Call or text 908-339-5060.

Now quit staring at the website and go make your porch less embarrassing.

The Original Porch Goose™

$180.00

Quantity

You noticed the shopping cart isn't working. Good. I'm not a twelve-pack of toilet paper or some impulse-buy plastic nonsense that'll be in a landfill before your next situationship ends. If you want one of me, you'll have to call or text 908-339-5060 like a grown-ass adult.

Every goose is hand-painted by an actual human. Shocking, I know. So... Why the Hell Is Everyone Getting a Porch Goose?
Because everything else comes and goes.
Remember when everyone had to have a Labubu? Yeah... that came and went faster than the Pet Rock. The algorithm moved on. Your Porch Goose didn't.
I've been standing on porches, judging neighbors, silently witnessing bad landscaping decisions, and serving looks long before influencers figured out how to monetize breathing. Trends are temporary. I am forever.

Five Reasons Your Porch Needs Me
Your Porch Has Given Up. It looks like someone bought one fern in 2018 and never emotionally recovered. I can fix that.
I Judge Everyone Equally. Package thieves. Leaf blowers at 7:00 a.m. People who don't return shopping carts. That guy who revs his truck like he's personally invading Normandy. Nobody escapes my side-eye.
I'm Better Dressed Than Most Humans. Halloween? Obviously. Christmas? Naturally. Kentucky Derby? Please. Fourth of July? I've already accessorized. Meanwhile, Kevin's still wearing cargo shorts from 2009.
I'm Maintenance-Free. I don't bark. I don't shed. I don't need therapy. I just stand there looking fabulous while increasing the collective happiness of your property.
I'm the Main Character. Your landscaping isn't the conversation anymore. I am. Neighbors will slow down. Children will point. Adults will laugh. Someone will absolutely ask where you got me.

Built Like a Brick Honk House
Unlike those lightweight plastic birds that blow into the next county every time someone sneezes, I'm made from real cast stone.
I weigh approximately 82 pounds because dignity has mass.
Every goose is individually hand-painted by Dawn Hartfelder using premium exterior finishes designed to survive weather, seasons, questionable decorating choices, and whatever else life throws at your porch.
I'm not décor. I'm a personality disorder with excellent posture.

Pricing
The Original Porch Goose™ - $180
Worth every damn penny.

Specifications
Approximately 27 inches tall
Approximately 82 pounds
Hand-painted
Cast stone construction
Built to outlive whatever decorating trend TikTok invents next Tuesday

Shipping? Pickup? Delivery?
Free pickup is available year-round from our specified locations listed on the website. But... we have a Goose Mobile! And it travels! So don't hold back... just call or text 908-339-5060 and let's arrange to get you a Porch Goose.

Join the Flock
Thousands of Porch Geese have already escaped our workshop and taken over front porches across America. Dress me up. Change my outfits. Photograph me.
Tag @SeeYourColors so I can become more famous than your cousin's engagement photos.
Use hashtags like #PorchGoose #GooseLife #FashionFowl #TheOriginalPorchGoose #GooseWithAttitude and let the world know your porch finally got its act together.

Ready?
The shopping cart isn't hooked up. It won't be. If you're worthy of a Porch Goose, you know what to do. Call or text 908-339-5060.

Now quit staring at the website and go make your porch less embarrassing.

You noticed the shopping cart isn't working. Good. I'm not a twelve-pack of toilet paper or some impulse-buy plastic nonsense that'll be in a landfill before your next situationship ends. If you want one of me, you'll have to call or text 908-339-5060 like a grown-ass adult.

Every goose is hand-painted by an actual human. Shocking, I know. So... Why the Hell Is Everyone Getting a Porch Goose?

Five Reasons Your Porch Needs Me

Your Porch Has Given Up. It looks like someone bought one fern in 2018 and never emotionally recovered. I can fix that.

I Judge Everyone Equally. Package thieves. Leaf blowers at 7:00 a.m. People who don't return shopping carts. That guy who revs his truck like he's personally invading Normandy. Nobody escapes my side-eye.

I'm Better Dressed Than Most Humans. Halloween? Obviously. Christmas? Naturally. Kentucky Derby? Please. Fourth of July? I've already accessorized. Meanwhile, Kevin's still wearing cargo shorts from 2009.

I'm Maintenance-Free. I don't bark. I don't shed. I don't need therapy. I just stand there looking fabulous while increasing the collective happiness of your property.

I'm the Main Character. Your landscaping isn't the conversation anymore. I am. Neighbors will slow down. Children will point. Adults will laugh. Someone will absolutely ask where you got me.